Theosophical Society in the Philippines

Self-Transformation Series: Issue No. 7 How to Handle Anger


Table of Contents

  • Importance
  • The Nature of Anger
  • Effects of Anger
  • How to deal with Anger

I. Importance

Anger causes us to do things that we later regret. Some people become violent and even kill others, something they normally would not even think of. Anger makes us unhappy. And it is generally an ineffective way of coping with problems.

II. The Nature of Anger

Anger is tension and hostility as a result of frustration. We respond in different ways at different ages. When a baby, we cry or scream. As children, it may be a tantrum or fighting, or surliness. As we grow older, we normally react through verbal expressions: arguing, criticizing, swearing

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. Or the person may become violent and aggressive. On the other hand, the person may have grown up learning to suppress anger, but at the same time not learn how to cope with problems, and hence tend to be ineffective in confronting difficult situations. Both these extremes are not wholesome. Aggressive release of anger as well as its suppression are not the most effective ways of dealing with a problem. Remember: the way we cope with problems and the way we express our anger are learned. There are effective and ineffective ways. If you have learned an ineffective way, you can relearn a better way.

III. Effects of Anger

It destroys relationship
It can lead to violence.
It leads to high blood pressure.
Its suppression can lead to psychosomatic disorders.
It can create more problems as it tries to solve existing ones.
IV. How to deal with Anger

Accept the inevitable. When a valuable vase is broken. Learn to face that it has already happened. See what can effectively be done to prevent a similar occurrence.
Learn how to dissipate build up of your aggressive energies. The best way is by developing constant awareness. Be in touch with your feelings at all time. When small frustrations arise, be conscious of your physical symptoms: shortness of breath, tightening of muscles in the face, neck, arm or chest. Awareness of these at the beginning of anger will prevent build-up.
Breathe deeply several times. Observe the relaxation of your body as you breathe in and out.
Reflect on what is the best way of handling the situation.
Be assertive, but not aggressive or suppressive. Say what you need to say without injuring other people or violating their rights. (We shall talk about how to be assertive in a future program).
Example:
Aggressive: Why did you gossip about me? (Accusative)
Assertive: I felt hurt when I heard that you talked about my personal problems with other people. (Non-accusative)

Take steps to prevent the recurrence of a similar situation. Example: If you are irritated by your children being noisy when you are sleeping, discuss this problem with them and come to an agreement, rather than just showing irritation every time it happens.
Almost all problems need rational solutions, rather than emotional solutions. Therefore, take time to reflect on the situation before allowing your anger to just burst out.
Undertake regular activities that will tend to dissipate aggressive energies
Sports – this regularly releases pent-up energies.
Hobbies – this takes away our mind from sources of conflicts for a time giving the mind opportunity to rest and be free of anxiety.
Realize certain facts about anger.
You create your anger, and hence it is your responsibility, not others’. Someone may be offensive to you, but it is you who create the anger. Decide that you must be in control of yourself, not they who will control you.
Example: in certain conflicts, such as boxing or in competitive sports, a participant may provoke the opponent to anger to make the other lose his cool. As a result, the one who loses his temper may no longer play the game effectively and lose. He has fallen into the trap of reacting in anger to a provocation.

Anger often causes you to do things or say things that you will later regret. Therefore, it is to your advantage that you minimize the automatic expression of anger.
Anger can sometimes be extremely dangerous to your health. Aside from risks of heart attacks among those who are susceptible, anger can produce certain toxic substances in the body that can harm oneself, or a pregnant mother’s womb, or a nursing baby.
Example: Mother who breastfed her 3-month-old baby while in a fit of extreme anger. A few hours later, the baby turned blue, and by evening the baby was dead. (See Peace Ideas No. 4, page 4)

Regularly practice silence. Take time out to enter into periods of silence and meditation, where the emotions are naturally calm and the mind is silent. Our emotions will tend to deepen and we will no longer react superficially to small daily provocations, but will have the capacity to reflect on them.
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Peace Center
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“If five percent of the people work for peace, there will be peace.”