There are many known and tested approaches to parenting. Below are some of them. Crucial to the development of the parenting skills is Self-Awareness, the capacity to be able to see and observe one’s feelings, thoughts, behavior.

Self-awareness can gradually be developed by practicing awareness of one’s bodily state, and then one’s feelings, and later thoughts. This process is the key to true relaxation, and is the necessary preparation for meditation.

Here are five valuable tools of parenting offered by author Steven Vannoy, in his book entitled The 10 Greatest Gifts I Give My Children.

When there is a problem, some parents have the tendency to look for who is to blame, and why things happened. This is backward focusing. We are more concerned with the problem than with the solution.

Try "forward focus": seeing the solution or what will work.

Parents often see the faults of their children and nag on them. What would you yourself feel if someone keeps on pointing out to you your faults and hardly any of your good points? You lose self-confidence and self-esteem.

"If you want to get great performance from someone, you don’t point out where they’re weak or what they did wrong. If you want them to do better, focus on their strengths, and they’ll go harder and harder in that direction."

• Optimism
• Problem solving
• Self-esteem
• Lack of defensiveness
• Others like risk-taking, creativity, and a joyful attitude

Essentially, there are two kinds of messages we can give our children:

Adults normally teach children by telling them. Try this approach: Ask questions. Instead of saying: "It is bad to your sister. Never do it again." Ask: "What will sister feel when you bite her? What do you think should we do?" Allow the child to think and realize things.

"We could put up ten-foot banners around the house reminding our children how much we love them or how special they are, and yet these will have far less impact than a simple act of truly listening." (Steven Vannoy)

Really listening means "listening until the person is finished, paying attention to nonverbal clues, and not planning your response until the other person is finished talking."

By really listening:

• We validate their feelings. "It’s the major complaint of people from dysfunctional families -- they were never allowed to have real feelings. . . Their feelings were never okay."
• We enhance their self-esteem. We acknowledge that they have something important to say and that we value their opinion.
• We encourage their problem solving skills as we hear out their solutions.
• We foster their creativity as we let them recreate a scene or describe it in detail.

"Modeling is one of the most important, yet simple, parenting tools you can use. It’s a tool that keeps working even when you’re not around because your children see how your life is working, what kind of results you create by the way you live. Remember, your children cannot hear what you say until they see what you do."